By Praful Shankar, who is truly frustrated that Dhoni makes more money than him.
The casualty list of the Indian cricket team’s shocking exit from the Cricket T20 World Cup and losses to Australia has its first entrant. Noted Ad actor, John Abraham wannabe and part time cricketer, Mahendra Singh Dhoni has announced that he plans to call quits on his cricketing career to concentrate on the thing he does best and is most famous for doing – growing his hair.
Standing before his newly constructed and newly demolished house, he told reporters that he felt his cricketing career “has begun to take toll on his life and he would rather spend time doing something he enjoyed.”
Speaking intermittently, when the gathered cricket fans would tire from insulting his mother, Dhoni thanked Mandira Bedi for showing him what truly matters in life. “I think Mandira is the person who opened my eyes and for that I am eternally grateful.” said a visibly emotional Dhoni.
”Watching her I understood that it ok to be a talent less, media hound as long as your hair is shiny and straight.” he continued,” I am looking forward to many challenges that lie ahead in my life, including curling, dyeing and one day, I hope that my hair will remembered in the annals of history like Don King’s.”
News of Dhoni’s retirement sent shockwaves through the Indian cricket fraternity. Yuvraj Singh’s alleged former girlfriend, Kim Sharma seemed to visibly upset when informed about the news. When asked for a comment, Ms Sharma, giggled hysterically and then said, “I am very exited about this new role. I know everybody says this but this one is really different.” Isha Sharvani, the alleged former girlfriend of speedster Zaheer Khan, was more dramatic in her reaction. On hearing the news, she climbed along a nearby lamppost and twirled down before landing in a balletic fashion on her left toe, while raising her right leg in the air, towards the sky.
BCCI officials announced that “there would be sweeping changes to Dhoni’s hairstyle and that he would await a full report from former coach Greg Chappell, before deciding on what action is to be taken. Once that is done we shall start doing something about those farmer suicides.”
Chappell, for his part said,” There are reasons for this and I am not prepared to go into that now.” When a distraught teenage girl from Jharkand slapped him, he proceeded to show her the finger that he had injured in Kolkata around a year ago.
There was more drama in Bangalore where Rahul Dravid called the development a “collective failure” and assumed full responsibility. Later on Dravid proceeded to a net session where he faced around 200 balls, letting 184 of them go through to the keeper safely outside off stump.
Dhoni’s close friend Harbhajan Singh could not be reached for comment as he was busy hiding Romesh Powar’s red goggles.
And finally, the tersest reaction came from the most vital cog in the Indian cricket wheel, Sehwag Ki Maa, who interacted with the media via a cellphone message sent to a random man standing in a crowd. The message contained a frozen picture of just her sitting around somewhere.
HOME, SWEET HOME: Mahendra Singh Dhoni runs to escape angry cows whose milk he drank during his pre-fame days.
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